I am reminded tonight of when I realized my first love and I were not going to be together forever. I am reminded yet again of the heartache and pain that seemed to go along with that realization. At 40 years old I never thought to feel that heartbreak again. I should have known better.
I am blessed by the fact that my teenagers and I are close. I am very close to my daughter and as close with my son as he will let me be. I find my daughter confides just about everything to me. My son is more private but knows that I am here for him whenever he wants me to be and sometimes when he doesnt want me to be.
Because of this closeness, I am heartbroken to know that my daughter is in pain. She had some news today that hurts her and I just want to wrap her in bubble wrap and not let anyone near her who could bring her pain again. I know this is not realistic. I know that God has someone out there that will be HIS plan for her, not mine. I know that God is all powerful and allmighty and all loving. I know if I would shut up and listen HE would be whispering "I have it all in MY hands, let it go". Knowing it mentally doesn't take the emotional pain from me. I hurt for my daughter. I am angry for her. I am thankful that God stepped in and gave me the words she needed to hear tonight as I tried to give her comfort. I am glad that I was able to let those words flow. Now my sinful nature steps in and wants to be angry. I AM angry. Why couldn't this young man be the mature person I thought he was? Why didn't he handle this situation better? WHY? WHY? WHY?
And then God takes ahold of me again and reminds me that this young man is just that YOUNG. That he is as confused and uncertain of where his life will lead as my daughter is. That he doesn't understand what is happening any more than she does. And God tries to heal the heartbreak and remind me again, in HIS quiet voice that I need to shut up to hear, that HE knows what is best for my child. That HE will always take care of her. That I gave her to HIM when she was born and I need to stop trying to take her back.
As I reminded my daughter this evening, God is working a tapestry of her life. HE knows the way the picture is meant to turn out. All we see is the work from below, the knots and threads that don't make a pretty picture. I told her that tonight we are working on a big knot. But that God will work this out in HIS way and we just need to trust Him. Trust is a big issue for we mere mortals and yet without it there is only heartbreak and hurt.
