Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The ME attitude
The ME attitude comes from people believing that they are the most important people in this world. It is an attitude of self entitlement and that the world owes everything to them. This attitude breaks down communications and puts walls in place of friendly behavior. It effects everyone around both in behaving in the same manner or in dealing with this behavior in others. It disappoints me to know that I am even guilty of having this attitude at times. I think though that since I am seeing it so much in others of late I am able to recognise that I am doing it and I strive to stop it.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Today I feel old!
Today a piece of my past came back into my life. It was a shock to realize that time didn't stay still. I have written before that I refuse to be old. I had it brought home to me that I indeed have gotten older.
When I was 14 I used to care for a trio of sisters. I believe that Marjorie was all of 5 and her sisters were 3 and 2 respectively. These girls were precious in my life. Marjorie was a blessing of helpfulness and caring. Vickie was the little cuddly one, and Melissa hated my guts. To be fair though,Melissa didn't really like anyone that wasn't her mama or daddy. Each day in the summer of my fourteenth year, I cared for these blond-haired, blue-eyed, bundles of energy. I would take them for walks down to the park and let them play. We would walk in the neighborhood and play ring around the rosie in the yard. We colored pictures to hang on the refrigerator for when their parents returned. It was a time of innocence and pleasure.
Later, as I travelled through my teenage years and these children grew, we attended the same church. Vickie wanted to sit with me most Sunday mornings during church service. To keep her occupied and quiet, I would have her copy Bible verses that I had already written out for her. She would do her best to copy the printed words out and do it neatly so that I would place a smile at the top of her page. Because Vickie would sit with me, Melissa came to trust me more. She would come and sit with me if Vickie was there too. She would copy verses as well. The greatest joy that came to me was the Sunday I walked into church and she came over and gave me a hug.
Marjorie loved being with me as well. She liked to tell me about school and what she had done. She would smile and talk as long as I would listen. She also would copy Bible verses that I had written out in script letters for her to practice. She would sit there with such concentration as she practiced those letters. Sometimes the letters were even, sometimes they were not but I think I got more out of watching her and her sisters copy those precious words than I got from the sermons our pastor had worked so hard on.
I got older and left my home town and my home church. I eventually went to college and met the man I would marry. I rarely went back to where I had started life, but would think of these little girls that had been a part of my growing up. When I thought of them though it was always as the cute and cuddly little girls that I had taken care of. I never brought them forward in my mind any further than Marjorie being 10 years old or so.
Today Marjorie found me on the computer. When I saw the name she goes by now, I almost refused the friendship request.... not realizing who it was. Instead, I took a chance and accepted, rationalizing that I could always delete it afterwards if it turned out to not be someone I actually knew. I went and looked and photographs she had posted. I still almost hit that delete button. I still didn't see the girl in the woman who looked out at me from the photo. The next photo I pulled up was of Marjorie with her daughters. There was something in her eyes that clicked and I looked closer. I saw Vicki in Marjorie's oldest daughter and Melissa in Marjorie's youngest. I saw the smile that Marjorie would give me each Sunday as I would stand and listen to her tell about her week.
"My" little girls are all grown now. Marjorie is married with two young girls of her own. I am looking forward to finding out what is going on in the lives of her and her sisters. I am so glad she asked me to be her friend. Life it turning still and moving forward.... but heavens I feel old today.
When I was 14 I used to care for a trio of sisters. I believe that Marjorie was all of 5 and her sisters were 3 and 2 respectively. These girls were precious in my life. Marjorie was a blessing of helpfulness and caring. Vickie was the little cuddly one, and Melissa hated my guts. To be fair though,Melissa didn't really like anyone that wasn't her mama or daddy. Each day in the summer of my fourteenth year, I cared for these blond-haired, blue-eyed, bundles of energy. I would take them for walks down to the park and let them play. We would walk in the neighborhood and play ring around the rosie in the yard. We colored pictures to hang on the refrigerator for when their parents returned. It was a time of innocence and pleasure.
Later, as I travelled through my teenage years and these children grew, we attended the same church. Vickie wanted to sit with me most Sunday mornings during church service. To keep her occupied and quiet, I would have her copy Bible verses that I had already written out for her. She would do her best to copy the printed words out and do it neatly so that I would place a smile at the top of her page. Because Vickie would sit with me, Melissa came to trust me more. She would come and sit with me if Vickie was there too. She would copy verses as well. The greatest joy that came to me was the Sunday I walked into church and she came over and gave me a hug.
Marjorie loved being with me as well. She liked to tell me about school and what she had done. She would smile and talk as long as I would listen. She also would copy Bible verses that I had written out in script letters for her to practice. She would sit there with such concentration as she practiced those letters. Sometimes the letters were even, sometimes they were not but I think I got more out of watching her and her sisters copy those precious words than I got from the sermons our pastor had worked so hard on.
I got older and left my home town and my home church. I eventually went to college and met the man I would marry. I rarely went back to where I had started life, but would think of these little girls that had been a part of my growing up. When I thought of them though it was always as the cute and cuddly little girls that I had taken care of. I never brought them forward in my mind any further than Marjorie being 10 years old or so.
Today Marjorie found me on the computer. When I saw the name she goes by now, I almost refused the friendship request.... not realizing who it was. Instead, I took a chance and accepted, rationalizing that I could always delete it afterwards if it turned out to not be someone I actually knew. I went and looked and photographs she had posted. I still almost hit that delete button. I still didn't see the girl in the woman who looked out at me from the photo. The next photo I pulled up was of Marjorie with her daughters. There was something in her eyes that clicked and I looked closer. I saw Vicki in Marjorie's oldest daughter and Melissa in Marjorie's youngest. I saw the smile that Marjorie would give me each Sunday as I would stand and listen to her tell about her week.
"My" little girls are all grown now. Marjorie is married with two young girls of her own. I am looking forward to finding out what is going on in the lives of her and her sisters. I am so glad she asked me to be her friend. Life it turning still and moving forward.... but heavens I feel old today.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Artistic ability
I have been reading my mother's blog spots over the last few weeks since she began them. It never fails to amaze me how talent can be passed on from one person to another or how it may skip over people.
We have many talented people in our family. We like to craft in a variety of ways. My Grandmother makes many things out of what others might consider trash. She has created afghans both crochetted and knitted. I have one that I keep in my guest room that is a variety of small pieces made into squares and put together. She also makes quilts that are works of art. I learned today that she taught herself to knit. I have ornaments that she tatted or crochetted for me over the years and many other precious items she has created.
My mother is a wordsmith as well as an artist in other ways. She writes beautiful poetry and essays. She creates scrapbook albums with an artistic eye to color and detail. She also creates quilts and is able to crochet and knit. Added to this, she is able to draw and paint with skill. I am amazed at the work that she puts into items and yet she is able to appreciate items others create for her as well.
My sister creates quilts and wall hangings. She draws and paints and writes. She has so much imagination in what she does. I love to see the things she crafts.
The talent I call my own that no one else in the family does is cross stitch. I love that I am able to do something that takes time and energy but that none of the rest will ever create for themselves. I am able to quilt and crochet and I do quilling work as well. I don't have the creativity to draw or write well, but I am able to appreciate it in others.
My daughter is learning to sew on her sewing machine. I taught her to crochet many years ago and she is creative with it, comingup with items that I wouldn't have thought of. She writes stories and essays with an ease that I envy.
My son is an artist in his own right. He has his own style but draws well with charcoal pencil. He is also able to do origami that I think is incredible.
It is a blessing to see the ways that we all use the artistic abilities that have come to us. I am glad to have a variety of items that have been given over the years by the different artists in my family. I appreciate that I was deemed worthy of the gifts they created with their hands and minds!
We have many talented people in our family. We like to craft in a variety of ways. My Grandmother makes many things out of what others might consider trash. She has created afghans both crochetted and knitted. I have one that I keep in my guest room that is a variety of small pieces made into squares and put together. She also makes quilts that are works of art. I learned today that she taught herself to knit. I have ornaments that she tatted or crochetted for me over the years and many other precious items she has created.
My mother is a wordsmith as well as an artist in other ways. She writes beautiful poetry and essays. She creates scrapbook albums with an artistic eye to color and detail. She also creates quilts and is able to crochet and knit. Added to this, she is able to draw and paint with skill. I am amazed at the work that she puts into items and yet she is able to appreciate items others create for her as well.
My sister creates quilts and wall hangings. She draws and paints and writes. She has so much imagination in what she does. I love to see the things she crafts.
The talent I call my own that no one else in the family does is cross stitch. I love that I am able to do something that takes time and energy but that none of the rest will ever create for themselves. I am able to quilt and crochet and I do quilling work as well. I don't have the creativity to draw or write well, but I am able to appreciate it in others.
My daughter is learning to sew on her sewing machine. I taught her to crochet many years ago and she is creative with it, comingup with items that I wouldn't have thought of. She writes stories and essays with an ease that I envy.
My son is an artist in his own right. He has his own style but draws well with charcoal pencil. He is also able to do origami that I think is incredible.
It is a blessing to see the ways that we all use the artistic abilities that have come to us. I am glad to have a variety of items that have been given over the years by the different artists in my family. I appreciate that I was deemed worthy of the gifts they created with their hands and minds!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentine's day this year
This year, my sweet husband brought me home a cd. It was by the group ABBA which really shows how old I am getting. I loved this group when I was growing up and was reminded of it when we recently watched the movie Mama Mia. I never would have gone out and found one of their cd's. I commented on the fact that I had loved their music back when I was growing up. I didn't even think he was listening.
He had to work yesterday so I spent the day pretty much on my own. When he returned last night to a dinner I was preparing for him, he walked in the door and then stopped. He looked frustrated and asked me if I minded going out to the car to get the roses he had forgotten on his seat. I scolded him about getting me flowers since I think they are way too expensive, but went out to the truck anyway. When I got there, I found two rose bushes. He had indeed bought me roses.... ones that would give to me year after year.
He had to work yesterday so I spent the day pretty much on my own. When he returned last night to a dinner I was preparing for him, he walked in the door and then stopped. He looked frustrated and asked me if I minded going out to the car to get the roses he had forgotten on his seat. I scolded him about getting me flowers since I think they are way too expensive, but went out to the truck anyway. When I got there, I found two rose bushes. He had indeed bought me roses.... ones that would give to me year after year.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Heartbreak revisited
As I spoke about in my last blog, heartbreak has found my daughter. She and her young man tried to work things out but after a month and a half, he told her tonight that he felt that God was leading him away from her. She is of course heartbroken and doesn't understand how God could lead this young man one way and yet not let her know about it. I think maybe she just didn't watch the signs. I have seen them for the last couple of months but wanted happiness for her. I still want happiness for her. I told her tonight that all I knew to offer her comfort was that if God has plans for these two people to be together then HE will lead them back that way. If He doesn't want them together then it means that God has someone better in mind for both of them. Obviously this was not much comfort coming from Mom. Thank you Lord for others who follow Your will as well. My sister in law offered the same bit of wisdom to my daughter as she cried in a call from Georgia to Pennsylvania. I am blessed to have sisters in law who love God and know that He does have a plan for us all.
Our pastor has been teaching from Psalms 23 for the last six weeks. Tonight we finished the chapter with verse 6. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Pastor stated that means that God has an over abundance of love for us and gives it to us regardless of whether we are worthy. Mercy is the act of giving to us that which we do not deserve. Grace is the act of NOT giving us what we Do deserve. I am so thankful that in this time of hardship that I have God to turn to. I am thankful that my daughter believes in this same loving God.
Over the last 40 years of my life, I have often strayed from the narrow path. I have many times turned my back on the teachings from my youth and tried to find my own way in this life. I am blessed that God is always there for me and has never turned His back on me even when I turned mine on Him. Sometimes it is hard to remember that He is a loving and merciful father, especially when there is pain in this life.
I wish I had the words and the ability to take that pain from my little girl. But into each life some pain and sorrow and struggle must come. Without it, she would not turn into the person God has in mind. it is much like the butterfly. If you help a butterfly from its cocoon, there is little chance that it will live. A butterfly must struggle from its wrappings on its own so that the wings can be strong to carry it through the feilds and air. Taking pain from my daughter would be what I want to do, but I can't take it away. I can just help to point her towards the Lord and the trust that He will never leave her or forsake her.
Oddly enough, while I am upset that this has happened, I must trust that God knows what He is doing. I can't regret that this young man was a part of our lives for the last year. Without his strong convictions about church, I don't think I would have gone back anytime soon. Without going back, I am not certain where I would be now. God has been my rock for the last year. I am not saying that I haven't stumbled and fallen and strayed still. But I am stronger in my faith today then I had been for many many years. I pray that regardless of what God does in regards to this relationship for my daughter, that HE will bless both her and this young man as they go forward in their lives. I pray too that the friendship manages to survive once the initial heartbreak is releaved.
Our pastor has been teaching from Psalms 23 for the last six weeks. Tonight we finished the chapter with verse 6. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Pastor stated that means that God has an over abundance of love for us and gives it to us regardless of whether we are worthy. Mercy is the act of giving to us that which we do not deserve. Grace is the act of NOT giving us what we Do deserve. I am so thankful that in this time of hardship that I have God to turn to. I am thankful that my daughter believes in this same loving God.
Over the last 40 years of my life, I have often strayed from the narrow path. I have many times turned my back on the teachings from my youth and tried to find my own way in this life. I am blessed that God is always there for me and has never turned His back on me even when I turned mine on Him. Sometimes it is hard to remember that He is a loving and merciful father, especially when there is pain in this life.
I wish I had the words and the ability to take that pain from my little girl. But into each life some pain and sorrow and struggle must come. Without it, she would not turn into the person God has in mind. it is much like the butterfly. If you help a butterfly from its cocoon, there is little chance that it will live. A butterfly must struggle from its wrappings on its own so that the wings can be strong to carry it through the feilds and air. Taking pain from my daughter would be what I want to do, but I can't take it away. I can just help to point her towards the Lord and the trust that He will never leave her or forsake her.
Oddly enough, while I am upset that this has happened, I must trust that God knows what He is doing. I can't regret that this young man was a part of our lives for the last year. Without his strong convictions about church, I don't think I would have gone back anytime soon. Without going back, I am not certain where I would be now. God has been my rock for the last year. I am not saying that I haven't stumbled and fallen and strayed still. But I am stronger in my faith today then I had been for many many years. I pray that regardless of what God does in regards to this relationship for my daughter, that HE will bless both her and this young man as they go forward in their lives. I pray too that the friendship manages to survive once the initial heartbreak is releaved.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
heartbreak
I am reminded tonight of when I realized my first love and I were not going to be together forever. I am reminded yet again of the heartache and pain that seemed to go along with that realization. At 40 years old I never thought to feel that heartbreak again. I should have known better.
I am blessed by the fact that my teenagers and I are close. I am very close to my daughter and as close with my son as he will let me be. I find my daughter confides just about everything to me. My son is more private but knows that I am here for him whenever he wants me to be and sometimes when he doesnt want me to be.
Because of this closeness, I am heartbroken to know that my daughter is in pain. She had some news today that hurts her and I just want to wrap her in bubble wrap and not let anyone near her who could bring her pain again. I know this is not realistic. I know that God has someone out there that will be HIS plan for her, not mine. I know that God is all powerful and allmighty and all loving. I know if I would shut up and listen HE would be whispering "I have it all in MY hands, let it go". Knowing it mentally doesn't take the emotional pain from me. I hurt for my daughter. I am angry for her. I am thankful that God stepped in and gave me the words she needed to hear tonight as I tried to give her comfort. I am glad that I was able to let those words flow. Now my sinful nature steps in and wants to be angry. I AM angry. Why couldn't this young man be the mature person I thought he was? Why didn't he handle this situation better? WHY? WHY? WHY?
And then God takes ahold of me again and reminds me that this young man is just that YOUNG. That he is as confused and uncertain of where his life will lead as my daughter is. That he doesn't understand what is happening any more than she does. And God tries to heal the heartbreak and remind me again, in HIS quiet voice that I need to shut up to hear, that HE knows what is best for my child. That HE will always take care of her. That I gave her to HIM when she was born and I need to stop trying to take her back.
As I reminded my daughter this evening, God is working a tapestry of her life. HE knows the way the picture is meant to turn out. All we see is the work from below, the knots and threads that don't make a pretty picture. I told her that tonight we are working on a big knot. But that God will work this out in HIS way and we just need to trust Him. Trust is a big issue for we mere mortals and yet without it there is only heartbreak and hurt.
I am blessed by the fact that my teenagers and I are close. I am very close to my daughter and as close with my son as he will let me be. I find my daughter confides just about everything to me. My son is more private but knows that I am here for him whenever he wants me to be and sometimes when he doesnt want me to be.
Because of this closeness, I am heartbroken to know that my daughter is in pain. She had some news today that hurts her and I just want to wrap her in bubble wrap and not let anyone near her who could bring her pain again. I know this is not realistic. I know that God has someone out there that will be HIS plan for her, not mine. I know that God is all powerful and allmighty and all loving. I know if I would shut up and listen HE would be whispering "I have it all in MY hands, let it go". Knowing it mentally doesn't take the emotional pain from me. I hurt for my daughter. I am angry for her. I am thankful that God stepped in and gave me the words she needed to hear tonight as I tried to give her comfort. I am glad that I was able to let those words flow. Now my sinful nature steps in and wants to be angry. I AM angry. Why couldn't this young man be the mature person I thought he was? Why didn't he handle this situation better? WHY? WHY? WHY?
And then God takes ahold of me again and reminds me that this young man is just that YOUNG. That he is as confused and uncertain of where his life will lead as my daughter is. That he doesn't understand what is happening any more than she does. And God tries to heal the heartbreak and remind me again, in HIS quiet voice that I need to shut up to hear, that HE knows what is best for my child. That HE will always take care of her. That I gave her to HIM when she was born and I need to stop trying to take her back.
As I reminded my daughter this evening, God is working a tapestry of her life. HE knows the way the picture is meant to turn out. All we see is the work from below, the knots and threads that don't make a pretty picture. I told her that tonight we are working on a big knot. But that God will work this out in HIS way and we just need to trust Him. Trust is a big issue for we mere mortals and yet without it there is only heartbreak and hurt.
Friday, February 8, 2008
One of the things that always amazes me is the way different traits are passed on from one family member to another. My display picture is a sign of that.
Gramma Ratchet is my Great Great Grandmother. Her daughter, my Great Grandmother, is Gramma Loper. Her daughther, my Grandmother, is Gramma Beebe and her daughter, my mother, is Grammie. The picture just below those 4 black and white pics is of my three sisters and me. Then the children belong to three of us girls.
The thing that amazes me in all of this is to see 6 generations of family and see all the traits we have similar. We all have similar chins and many of us have similar cheekbones and eye shapes.
Until I got this set of pictures together (thanks mom for the grandmothers and you)I had thought that my sister Amy looked more like my dad's side of the family. I also had never realized until now, how much my sisters and I look alike. I see many of our traits in our children.
Erinne's girls look a lot like her. Amy's girls look a lot like her as well. My children have traits in common with me but also look like their father's side of the family. However, my son looks a lot like my cousin.
It would be interesting to be able to add all of Gramma Beebe's grandchildren and great grandchildren to this set of pictures and see how much we all look alike.
We even have similarities in personality I think. While Darren, my son, looks a lot like my cousin, Scott, I think he acts more like my cousin, Trevor, who rarely sits still. Darren also inherited an artistic ability from this family. He does things his own way but the child can draw well.
My daughter, Lisa, loves to do crafts and I believe that came from this family as well. Most of us like to do crafts of one form or another and if we don't do them ourselves, we are able to appreciate the work that the other puts into them.
It makes me wonder what crafts or artistic abilities Gramma Rackett and Gramma Loper had. I know they quilted some. I wonder if it is something they enjoyed doing or if it was done out of necessity.
It pleases me to know that they passed these abilities to my grandmother who passed them to her daughter and to me and my sisters. I am glad that I have passed them to my daughter as well.
Gramma Ratchet is my Great Great Grandmother. Her daughter, my Great Grandmother, is Gramma Loper. Her daughther, my Grandmother, is Gramma Beebe and her daughter, my mother, is Grammie. The picture just below those 4 black and white pics is of my three sisters and me. Then the children belong to three of us girls.
The thing that amazes me in all of this is to see 6 generations of family and see all the traits we have similar. We all have similar chins and many of us have similar cheekbones and eye shapes.
Until I got this set of pictures together (thanks mom for the grandmothers and you)I had thought that my sister Amy looked more like my dad's side of the family. I also had never realized until now, how much my sisters and I look alike. I see many of our traits in our children.
Erinne's girls look a lot like her. Amy's girls look a lot like her as well. My children have traits in common with me but also look like their father's side of the family. However, my son looks a lot like my cousin.
It would be interesting to be able to add all of Gramma Beebe's grandchildren and great grandchildren to this set of pictures and see how much we all look alike.
We even have similarities in personality I think. While Darren, my son, looks a lot like my cousin, Scott, I think he acts more like my cousin, Trevor, who rarely sits still. Darren also inherited an artistic ability from this family. He does things his own way but the child can draw well.
My daughter, Lisa, loves to do crafts and I believe that came from this family as well. Most of us like to do crafts of one form or another and if we don't do them ourselves, we are able to appreciate the work that the other puts into them.
It makes me wonder what crafts or artistic abilities Gramma Rackett and Gramma Loper had. I know they quilted some. I wonder if it is something they enjoyed doing or if it was done out of necessity.
It pleases me to know that they passed these abilities to my grandmother who passed them to her daughter and to me and my sisters. I am glad that I have passed them to my daughter as well.
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